I've been at a loss of words (or at least good ones) lately but I just remembered a blog post I've been meaning to make, it's about the diet I started on monday. On the 7th of March 2011, I started my third big, and hopefully last proper diet.
I've had weight problems my entire life. I was born a fat baby, and was chubby for most of childhood except for when I got freakishly tall really fast when I was 4. The first time I properly lost weight was at the end of 8th grade. In 9th grade, I was pretty thin, and towards the end of 10th grade I'd gained most of the weight I'd lost two years ago. So 10th grade summer, I embarked on my second major diet, and lost approximately 40 pounds (a comparable diet to my first one). So by this point, I'd been in two major diets, lost over 80 pounds, and I was thin again by the start of 11th grade. I started 11th grade at 73 kilograms (which is freakishly little for my height and bone structure).
Me at my thinnest:
Me at my thinnest:
 |
| You can see how thin I am - but it looks alright - I suppose |
 |
| Here is a somewhat more 'revealing,' picture I suppose, can see see my rib bones slightly protruding - too thin, right? |
 |
| But my body looks so good here! So I'm in a major dilemma really. |
So to recap:
Start of 11th grade: 73 kg = 161 pounds
Fattest time between the start of 11th and end of 12th grade: 115 kg = 253.53 pounds
End of 12 grade: 110kg = 231 pounds
So in a course of less then 2 years, I gained in total: 41.7kg (92 pounds)
Me at biggest:
And in college, I lost some, gained some, and gained some more and now decided to finally diet again. Hence the start of my new diet.
I weighed myself on Monday, March 7th 2010 and I was 103kg (227 pounds).
To be honest, I considered losing weight in some unhealthy ways as I'd done in the past (just going on period of not eating for days) which actually has worked pretty well. But if I want to be healthy, and if I want to keep my weight stable, I need to lose it slowly, and carefully.
Given how gaunt and thin I looked at 73 kilograms, and that I've probably grown since 11th grade, and that I'm just a big-boned person to begin with, my goal is 80kg (which is still very little on my frame).
Final Target: 80kg (176 pounds).
My first mini-target is 100kg (220 pounds). Hopefully won't take too long!
But here's the serious problem:
I know if I put my mind to it, I can lose the weight. But the issue is that I'm slightly taller than 6 foot 1, and by nature I just have a large frame, I have wide shoulders, muscular (thick?) calves, and just a big body in general. And no matter how much weight I lose, I will never be as petite as some of the people I know. Specifically, I compare myself to this one guy (d), and realize how I'll never be as thin as he is. I hate that I have such thick calves; they make my legs look short and stout, even though they're pretty long. Maybe when I lose weight and remember what I looked like then I'l be happy with my body, but what if it does't work out that way, and I continue obsessing over how somewhere, there's someone thinner, someone more petite, and that's who I want to be. A tiny, thin, petite person, but that's definitely not how I was born, and not somebody I can be, it's physically impossible.
I can talk and think about this until I lose my mind, but maybe once in a while I need to, in addition to everybody else who feels self-conscious about their own bodies, need to remind ourselves one simple, fundamental lesson which if we can internalize, all our worries will be put to shame. And the lesson that we need to learn is to:
Me at biggest:
 |
| Probably the worst of the 3 - even though it is still flattering |
 |
| Neutralish? |
 |
| Fat folk can laugh too! |
And in college, I lost some, gained some, and gained some more and now decided to finally diet again. Hence the start of my new diet.
I weighed myself on Monday, March 7th 2010 and I was 103kg (227 pounds).
To be honest, I considered losing weight in some unhealthy ways as I'd done in the past (just going on period of not eating for days) which actually has worked pretty well. But if I want to be healthy, and if I want to keep my weight stable, I need to lose it slowly, and carefully.
Given how gaunt and thin I looked at 73 kilograms, and that I've probably grown since 11th grade, and that I'm just a big-boned person to begin with, my goal is 80kg (which is still very little on my frame).
Final Target: 80kg (176 pounds).
My first mini-target is 100kg (220 pounds). Hopefully won't take too long!
But here's the serious problem:
I know if I put my mind to it, I can lose the weight. But the issue is that I'm slightly taller than 6 foot 1, and by nature I just have a large frame, I have wide shoulders, muscular (thick?) calves, and just a big body in general. And no matter how much weight I lose, I will never be as petite as some of the people I know. Specifically, I compare myself to this one guy (d), and realize how I'll never be as thin as he is. I hate that I have such thick calves; they make my legs look short and stout, even though they're pretty long. Maybe when I lose weight and remember what I looked like then I'l be happy with my body, but what if it does't work out that way, and I continue obsessing over how somewhere, there's someone thinner, someone more petite, and that's who I want to be. A tiny, thin, petite person, but that's definitely not how I was born, and not somebody I can be, it's physically impossible.
I can talk and think about this until I lose my mind, but maybe once in a while I need to, in addition to everybody else who feels self-conscious about their own bodies, need to remind ourselves one simple, fundamental lesson which if we can internalize, all our worries will be put to shame. And the lesson that we need to learn is to:
No comments:
Post a Comment