So Spring Break is fast approaching, and I don't know how I feel about it. After thinking a lot, I thought the best thing to do would be to go back home.
So I'm going to be going back home pretty soon. The latest I will leave is March 19th, and I will probably try to sneak out before then. I'm writing from a nice, cozy warm bed. I feel physically pretty comfortable, but emotionally and mentally, it's a separate story.
I want to write something inspirational; I want to write something that I think will engage people besides myself, but I'm at a lack of inspiration, but nonetheless I will write because I do have some things to say.
My mobile phone is a Blackberry, and Blackberries can send Voice Notes to each other. This morning, I was talking to my mom, and she was sending me BBMs asking me questions. I guess she got fed up of me not giving her the details she wanted (granted her question wasn't very clear) she sent me a Voice Note.
In the beginning of the Voice Note, I heard my older sister's voice, and my mom and her were having a little quarrel that only lasted a few seconds, but those few seconds felt so toxic, so exhausting.
Coming to the States has changed me. In relation to what I am talking about right now, I think it broke my tolerance for my family. That sounds harsher and bleaker than I mean it to; what I am just trying to say is that before what annoyed me but that I was accustom to didn't annoy me so much, now I find it so tiresome.
I guess a part of it is growing up, and realizing that your family is not perfect and all-knowing as you may have thought it to be. I realize that within my family, there are 5 members in total, including myself.
My father, my mother, my older sister and my younger sister.
And out of those four family members, it's a shame that I don't really have a common intellectual ground with any of them. I don't want to go into this too much again, because it will simply be my Personal Statement paraphrased, but I'm realizing more and more how different we are.
Especially my older sister. She means well, I know at heart she's a good person, but Jesus Christ she's so difficult. I've honestly tried to put up with her crap for so long, and she can be very, very fun, and she's so sweet, but she's extremely difficult. She's very haughty, she's very impatient, and I definitely think she has anger management problems. And being the oldest sibling for so long, and practically being a young adult when I was a kid, I think she's used to bossing me around, and it isn't quite working anymore.
My younger sister is in her world, but the specifics of our problemed relationships are not what I want to be the primary focus of this blog; the deeper message is that we are on completely different routes.
I think because of the way we were brought up, what we were exposed to, and what kind of people we are, it makes me think that my sisters and I are on completely different trajectories.
And my younger sister.
My younger sister is the one I have most hope of in terms of having things in common. She's more westernized in that she watches Friends, Will & Grace etc. But even with her, it was so difficult to explain my sexuality, she wasn't very supportive, if anything she was pretty bitter.
And actually, this summer was a pretty much a shit show. The summer of 2010 will probably be one of the worst summers I will have to endure in my life.
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