Shonen Knife Cuts Thru Baltimore

Cutting Edge J-Poppers Finally Take a Stab at Charm City

Believe it or not, Shonen Knife had never visited or played in Baltimore in the course of their 30-year career. Like most big name J-pop bands touring the U.S.(Pizzicato Five, Puffy, even Kahimi Karie), they made the obligatory stop in the nation's capital, typically at the 9:30 Club, before bypassing Charm City to traipse up the East Coast to Philadelphia, New York, and other major ports of call. In fact, the last time I saw them was back in 1997, when they performed at the 9:30 Club in support of their album Brand New Knife (Baltimore's powerpop trio Splitsville opened for them).

That all changed October 24, 2011 when founding guitarist Naoko Yamano and the "new" Shonen Knife girls - drummer Emi Morimoto (2010-present) and bassist Ritsuko Taneda (2006-present) - visited Atomic Books in Hampden to sell their new all-Ramones-covers CD Osaka Ramones (Good Charamel Records, 2011), sign memorabilia, and hang out with fans, before jumping in their tour bus to motor down the street and rock out later that night at the Ottobar as part of their 30th Anniversary North American Tour. And so, "Baltimore, the city that reads" officially became "Baltimore, the city that bleeds" - for Shonen Knife!

Watch Shonen Knife arrive at Atomic Books.

Shonen at Atomic: a rendezvous with history?

As an added bonus, Naoko's sis Atsuko (Shonen Knife's original drummer) was also on hand to roadie for the band; though Atsuko left the band in 2006 when she got married and then moved to Los Angeles, she filled in during band's 2007 tour and, being Naoko's sister, continues to be involved with the musical family she created with Naoko and Michie Nakatani in Osako back in 1981. (Original bass player Michie Nakatani left the band in 1999, with Atsuko moving from behind the drumkit to replace her on bass guitar.)


Dave Cawley, Ichiban: "The early bird catches the worm," Dave smirks as he informs latecomers that the line forms BEHIND him. "Watch me and learn, minions - and please, DO envy me!"

Dave Cawley was the very first fan to arrive at Atomic Books (all the better to genuflect before his idols), which is somewhat fitting, as Dave used to correspond with Atsuko Yamano dating back when he was in Baltimore's pop-punk band Berserk. (Dave poses with Atsuko Yamano in pic at right.) Amy and I were the second to arrive and Atomic Books owners Benn Ray and Rachel Whang were greatly amused to see that Dave and I were both wearing the same 1997 Shonen Knife Tour shirts, the ones we got when last we saw the band at the 9:30 Club and interviewed them for Atomic TV (as seen on ATV's "Turning Japanese, Part 1" - check 'em out at the 54-minute mark of this episode). Rachel Whang captured the "Misfits-in-Matching-Outfits" photo op, below:


Tom: "Dave, this is kinda gay!" Dave: "Ya think?"

Dave and I loved Shonen Knife from the moment we discovered them - he first, of course, via his Pan-Asian Pop Cultural Studies (an ongoing obsession), me rather late in game thanks to Sassy magazine's championing of "Twist Barbie." We both agreed that they were the nicest band we'd ever met, and regretted that we hadn't seen or listened to Shonen Knife in a long time; in fact, 1998's Happy Hour album (my personal favorite and the last to feature original bass player Michie Nakatani) was the last CD either one of us had purchased. We decided it was time to make amends for that criminal oversight, and we looked forward to meeting the new "Brand New Knife." We learned that the first cut may be the deepest, but the new Knife cuts a pretty sharp figure as well!


Meet and greet the Brand New Knife!


First-in-line Dave Cawley strikes a Kamen Rider pose with Shonen Knife


Dave Cawley gives Shonen Knife his personal seal of approval


The fans behind Dave "I was first!" Cawley wait their turn at Atomic Books


Tom Warner makes peace with Shonen Knife


Amy had never heard Shonen Knife, but bought their "Fun! Fun! Fun!" LP as an introduction to the fun, fun, fun


Amy enjoys Shonen Knife's autograph doodles: Emi (cat), Naoko (bunny), Ritsuko (dog)


Shonen Knife's cute critter doodles


Our Facebook pal Gary Razorpop poses with The Knife

Shonen Knife really seemed to enjoy looking through the shelves at Atomic Books - where Naoko's book Shonen Knife Land was also available for purchase; they also explored the vinyls bins at Celebrated Summer Records next door (who splurged for donuts and other edibles).


Emi lets the cat out of the bag at Atomic Books

Just as fitting as Dave Cawley being first in line at Atomic Books was Shonen Knife's decision to release an all-Ramones song album, for Shonen Knife is basically an all-girl Japanese version of the Ramones. Both work from a foundation of simplistic punk rock buzzsaw guitar and lyrics celebrating everything that's good dumb fun in life - whether it be sniffing glue, getting kicks and scoring chicks for the Ramones or eating all that food ("Cookie Day," "Banana Chips," "Hot Chocolate," "Brown Mushrooms," "Froot Loop Dreams," "Ice Cream City," "Gyoza") that Naoko sings about in countless Knife songs. Osaka Ramones contains all the classic Ramones songs you'd expect to hear championed ("Blitzkrieg Bop," "Rock 'n' Roll High School," "Sheena Is a Punk Rocker") as well as an inspired surprise cover of "Scattergun," a rockin' tune written by Dee Dee's replacement C.J. Ramone (Christopher Ward) and taken from their last studio album ¡Adios Amigos! (1995). And it's not just Naoko handling all the vocal duties: Ritsuko lends her voice to "Sheena," while Emi gets to sing "The KKK Took My Baby Away." The album was recorded in Osaka and Buffalo, NY, with Goo Goo dolls bassist Robby Takac producing five tracks at his GCR studio in Buffalo and mixing the final album. (Attention collectors: The US album features a Road To Ruin-style drawing by Miyoka Hayakawa, while the Japanese release features a black-and-white photo of the band that mimics the first Ramones album.)

Watch Ritsuko sing "Sheena is a Punk Rocker."


Watch Emi sing "The KKK Took My Baby Away."


I enjoyed meeting the new (to me) Shonen Knife rhythm section. I quickly learned that sexy long-haired bassist Ritsuko Taneda used to sing and play guitar in the J-Pop bands Keihan Girl and Denki Candy (where her nom de stage was "Marilyn"). And I discovered that super-kawaii drummer Emi Morimoto (whose Louis Brooks-style haircut reminded me of Scott Pilgrim's girlfriend "Knifes Chau" from Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World), used to bang the skins for Ni Hao!, Ultra Jr, mamastudio, and NASCA CAR.

But I really enjoyed chatting briefly with Atsuko Yamano, Naoka's sister who helped set up the merchandise table and assisted with other tour details as needed.


Atsuko helps set up the merchandise table


"Excuse me, aren't you Big Dave Cawley?" Atsuko (far left) asks a bespectacled fanboy

Atsuko now resides in Los Angeles, where she has plenty of time (and sunny weather) to indulge in her latest passion of tennis. Both of us are Federer fans, and I told her I was equally impressed with Kei Nishikori who, at age 21, is currently the highest-ever ranked Japanese player (#30) on the ATP Tour. Alas, like Kei, Atsuko also favors a two-handed backhand, though I tried to convince her of the benefits of the one-handed slice. (Maybe next tour?)


Tom Warner bonds with Atsuko over tennis and their shared adulation of Roger Federer and Japan's own Kei Nishikori

I can't say enough about how sweet and friendly these gals are. They even indulged me when I went back for yet more merchandise for them to sign - and they signed everything, for everybody. Benn Ray joked that I had forgotten to get my '97 tour shirt signed, but I'm too much of an anal-neatnik (as far as fashion, at least, if not housekeeping!) to go that far.


Tom's Shonen Knife cache: Sign here, please!


"OK Mr. Warner, last one - our hands are cramping now!"

Alas, Amy and I did not join Dave Cawley later that night at the Ottobar show, as the prospect of having to wait through three opening bands on a Monday night (doesn't anybody in this town work?) didn't gibe either with our schedules or our aging bones. (Yes, we're old!) I'm sure somebody will post some video of the Ottobar show shortly, but in the meantime, here's what the girls looked like live when they brought the "Blitzkrieg Bop" to London's Windmill club back in August:

Watch Shonen Knife play "Blitzkrieg Bop."


And here they are rocking the Asia Society in NYC with non-Ramones ditties back in September 2010:

Watch Shonen Knife rock the Asia Society.


Shonen Knife's first-ever trip to Charm City, coming less than a week before Halloween, was definitely a treat for all Baltimorons!



***

Postscript (10-26-2011):
As anticipated, videos of Shonen Knife's show at the Ottobar turned up a day later. Herein is what went down as recorded by serenab4 and motionrotarytoad.

Watch serenab4's "shonen knife @ the ottobar (10/24/11)"


Watch motionrotarytoad's "The KKK Took My Baby Away/Rock 'n' Roll High School"


Watch motionrotarytoad's "Blitzkrieg Bop/Beat on the Brat"


Watch motionrotarytoad's "Konnichiwa/Bear Up Bison"


Watch motionrotarytoad's "Banana Chips"


Watch motionrotarytoad's "Devil House"

Hairy Baltimore

At this past weekend's Baltimore Book Festival, "I, Hoarder" limited myself to two purchases (I was, after all, financially challenged after that day's earlier trek to the Nostalgia Convention!), both for $2 a piece: a second edition copy of P. Adam Sitney's experimental cinema tome Visionary Film: The American Avant-Garde 1943-1978 (because they just don't write 'em like that any more!) and, even-better-yet!, the Alex Fine-curated limited edition zine, Hairy Baltimore.


Hairy Baltimore zine

John Waters famously called Baltimore "The Hairdo Capital of the World," though his generation grew up with the ducktails, mullets and beehive hon-do's that pre-date a lot of the 40 "Nouveau Balto" hairstyles depicted in this booklet.

Naturally, (young Nikola Tesla lookalike) Alex Fine, Baltimore's finest artist in my humble opinion (see Alex Fine Illustration for further proof), is himself depicted in the pages of Hairy:


Alex Fine

As were other local luminaries and icons of the current film and music scene, like Dan Deacon and Reaction!'s Amanda Otto.


Dan Deacon


Amanda Otto

I hardly know any of the youngsters displayed in Hairy Baltimore, but I'm learning thanks to this handy who's who guide to the current crop of unusually coiffed scenesters of Charm City. Oh, if you missed picking up a copy at the book festival, try asking at Atomic Books. After all, iconic co-owner Benn Ray (looking like a cross between Charles Manson and actor John Hawkes) is also included in the zine. His likeness was drawn by Noah Patrick Pfarr.


Atomic Book's Benn Ray

Psyched To Get Miked @ Atomic Books

Zinesters Mike White and Mike Faloon sign and read new works
Atomic Books, Hampden, Friday, November 19, 2010

Friday, November 19th was the "Night of Two Mikes" at Hampden's Atomic Books, where owners Benn Ray and Rachel Whang doubled down on the literary-finds-for-mutated-minds on offer by hosting two zinesters-turned-authors reading from their works. Young people today sometimes forget that before the Internet made self-publishing and social networking pandemic, "zines" (along with comics and public access TV) were one of the few outlets for underground, alternative media in the early '90s - and the two Mikes were diehard pioneers of the medium.

Mike White was in town to read from and sign copies of Impossibly Funky: A Cashiers du Cinemart Collection, a collection of the best writings (and "13.2% all new stuff!") from his movie fanzine Cashiers du Cinemart (1994-present). (Besides main author Mike White, Impossibly Funky also collects articles by contributors Leon Chase, Chris Cummins, Skizz Cyzyk, Andrew Grant, Clifton Howard, Rich Osmond, Mike Thompson, and Andrea White.) Like White, Mike Faloon is a fellow zine publisher (Zisk, Go Metric), not to mention the drummer of the pop-punk band Egghead (1992-1998, 2010), but on this night he was reading from his short story fiction collection The Hanging Gardens of Split Rock.



Mike Faloon opened the festivities and proved to be a surprisingly talented orator, punching his copy with the confidence and natural cadence of a news anchor; he could easily switch careers from public school teacher to audiobook narrator. Mike White then delighted the audience by reading a hilarious "day-in-the-life of a movie theater employee" essay, one of the first things he wrote for Cashiers du Cinemart and a stellar reminder of why "workplace zines" are so popular - everybody can relate to work foibles and follies, especially jobs that involve dealing with crazy or irksome customers; White, who graciously plugged the comics art of Impossibly Funky's cover co-illustrator Jim Rugg (Afrodesiac, Street Angel, The Plain Janes), also revealed his Midwestern roots when he referred to sodas as "pop."


Mike Faloon is one Smooth Operator narrator

As an added treat, Mike White's wife Andrea presented him with a beautifully detailed, locally baked Ace of Cakes movie theater cake. "Impossibly Funky" was playing at this cake theater, with an outside crowd peopled by the very B-movie characters celebrated in the pages of Cashiers du Cinemart over the years. But fans couldn't partake of it until the following evening's "MicroCineFest Reunion Screening" at Station North's Windup Space, which the two Mikes also attended (and where Mike White's Who Do You Think You're Fooling? was screened).


Ace of Cakes's "Impossibly Funky" was the icing on the cake


Mike White: "I can have my cake and read it too!"


"Hmmm, can't wait to eat that marquee tomorrow night!"

It was fitting that the two Mikes made a pit stop in Baltimore to promote their books, as both authors, while not from Baltimore, have strong ties to the city's film and music scene - which it would not be a stretch to call Six Degrees of Skizz Cyzyk. Both Mikes have served as judges on Skizz's MicroCineFest film jury and "Mike the White" has screened film shorts at MicroCineFest (including Who Do You Think Your Fooling?, his infamous expose of Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs), while "Mike the Faloon" has played with Egghead at the Mansion Theater, Skizz's former home and screening/concert center. A number of Baltimore-based musicians and film geeks have also written for Cashiers du Cinemart, including Skizz and his sometime musical partner Scott Wallace Brown (Mink Stole & Her Wonderful Band, The Awkward Sounds of Scott & Skizz, The Bowlermen). Even local public access show Atomic TV popped up in CdC #13 in a "Zines of the Airwaves" review by Terry Gilmer (God's Angry Man).

As a result, the audience teemed with local musicians and filmmakers - Craig Smith (Psychedelic Glue-Sniffing Hillbillies), Degenerettes Rahne Alexander and Kristen Anchor, Jennifers and Garage Sale guitarist John Irvine, Joe Tropea (co-director of the documentary Hit and Stay and former Jennifers bassist), Dave Cawley (Garage Sale bass player, Urbanite fashion model, and erstwhile Go Metric contributing writer), Atomic TV's Tom Warner and Scott Huffines - who had either collaborated with the two Mikes or been influenced by their work. Naturally, Skizz was also there - Skizz Cyzyk, the Skizz with two Z's (not to be confused with Baltimore's other Skizzer, music producer honcho Skiz Fernandez).


Craig Smith drools over the "Impossibly Funky" cake (and book) whilst authors Faloon and White savor his good taste

Jim Hollenbaugh, curator of the Moviate Harrisburg cult film series, even drove down from Pennsylvania to see the Mikes and, of course, catch up on his Atomic Books shopping. Hollenbaugh also was in town to go to dinner with his pals Scott Huffines (Atomic TV, Baltimore Or Less) and John Waters.


Scott Huffines (Atomic TV, Baltimore Or Less) and Jim Hollenbaugh (Jim is holding up the copy of Katharine Gates' "Deviant Desires" he grabbed for an Xmas gift at Atomic Books)


Tom Warner (Atomic TV, Baltimore Or Less) and Jim Hollenbaugh

On the way out of Atomic Books, Japanese giant monster fan Dave Cawley was overjoyed to spot a car with a Michigan vanity plate proclaiming "GAMERA." Naturally, it belonged to none other than that purveyor of fine, eclectic taste, Mike White!


"I'm Dave Cawley and I approve this license plate!"

Related Mike White Links:
Cashiers du Cinemart
"Impossibly Funky" book

Related Mike Faloon Links:

Go Metric
Zisk Online
Egghead (MySpace)

Louis Fowler

Atomic TV's Adopted Son Visits Bawmer



East Meets West...at Golden West

OK, so maybe the timing was off - both Scott Huffines and I were suffering from colds and sinisitus, Melissa and I had to work the next day, and Scott and his wife were taking off for NYC the next morning - but when our Wayward Western pal Louis Fowler - he of the legendary Damaged magazine, Damaged 2.0 blog, Damaged Hearing radio show and Not Lame Records fame - survived a 12-hour bus trip to stop by Baltimore on April Fools Day (no foolin'), we had to suck it up and meet our greatest and coolest fan, the impressionable lad who once called Atomic TV "probably the greatest TV show I have ever seen in my life." We were Lou fans as well; after all, he's a great writer, a Rod Lott (Hitch Magazine)-mentored Oklahomie who hit the nail on the head when he brilliantly described singer Bjork as a "Chinese-looking elf with Down's Syndrome."

Damaged goods Louis was stopping in Charm City as part of his East Coast "Devastator Tour '09" (sponsored, in his words, by "by Midori Brand Liquors! All the queer, and none of the rear!"), a Greyhound bus station-to-station tour book-ended with stops in Indianapolis for the Horrorhound Weekend (March 27-29 and Cleveland for the Cinema Wasteland Movie and Memorabilia "Spring Spectacular" Expo (April 3-5).



It's shame we didn't have more time to show Louis the real Baltimore (like the Tyson and Read Street corner where Divine ate dog shit in Pink Flamingos, Al Capone's Syphillis Tree outside Union Memorial Hospital, and so on), so we settled on meeting up at the Golden West Cafe "On the Avenue" in Hampden, our Hipster Mecca.


Louis, Tom and Scott on The Avenue

Melissa and I were the first to arrive, as Scott was supposed to pick up Lou at the bus station but somehow his iPhone GPS went awry and it took him an hour to get there. While we waited, Melissa - a veteran thespian not only of Atomic TV but several John Waters movies and a recurring role on The Wire - showed me her brand new Screen Actor's Guild card:


Melissa shows off her new SAG card.
(She let me snap this photo without paying union scale!)

Louis was elated to see Melissa, who in her starring role as savvy bachelorette "Chastity Darling" on Atomic TV's "Dating Do's and Don't's" episode captured the smitten young Okie's heart. In Damaged #6 (Spring 2000), he decribed her as "one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life...Jesus, is she hot. I think I am in love."


Louis and the girl of his dreams, Melissa.

Thank goodness for Melissa putting together a last-minute Welcome Wagon while Scott and I sneezed, snorted,and post-nasally dripped. She had the foresight to put together a "Baltimore Goodies" bag for Louis that included a crab lollipop, Goetz caramels cremes, and a Mary Sue Easter Egg. I forget if a Berger's Cookie was in there.


Melissa gave Louis a Baltimore goodies bag.


Louis opens his goodies bag


Louis with a Mary Sue Easter Egg.


Louis waves his Crab lollipop.


More culinary delights lay in store for Louis the next day, when he planned to meet up with The Hungover Gourmet zine editor Dan Taylor and visit Baltimore's legendary downtown soul food emporium, The Lexington Market. Wish I had known that next week's City Paper cover story ("Gun Market," CP 4/6/2009)would be about the guy who was selling guns out of the market's Utz Potato Chip stand - I'm sure Louis and Dan would have loved to visit that stall!

When it came time to order drinks, Louis asked to try Baltimore's iconic swill Natty Boh, which he politely ordered as "that Bohemian beer."


Louis says "Yo!" to Natty Boh, the perfect crab lollipop chaser.

He really liked the taste of Boh, but grew green with envy when he saw what Scott ordered, the artery-clogging Bacon Bullet Bourbon Shooter, a drink concocted of Bullet bourbon, molasses and a stick of bacon.


The Bacon Bullet Bourbon Shot


Scott says Grace before ingesting his Bacon Bourbon Shot


"Mmmm that's good!" slurps Scott.


Aftertaste: "Hmmmm, bacon and bourbon?
What God hath joined together, let no man tear asunder!"


"Eww," looks like the missing half of John Wayne Bobbitt's willy!"
Tom observed of the drink's bacon twist.

Undeterred by my observation that the slab of bacon looked like the missing half of John Wayne Bobbitt's willy dipped in the drink, Louis ordered one himself.

He was in Heaven!

Scott ordered a second.


The Bacon Brothers: Scott and Louis bond over bourbon and pork products


"Magoo" Warner uses digital zoom to read his menu.

Finishing up, I had to ask Louis about a masturbation euphemism I had come across in one of my zines. I thought I had heard 'em all, from "shaking hands with the unemployed" to "pounding the one-eyed bishop," but "Oklahoma Karate" was a new one to my ears. Louis chuckled and said he had never heard it either, but that he liked it - "Thanks, I'm gonna use that one!" he promised.

Before we headed down the street to for nightcaps at Rocket To Venus, Scott popped the hood and trunk of his car to show us how prankster mechanic Chris Campbell (former Modern Music Mogul and current Hillbilly Drive-In Programming Director) pimped his ride to prepare it to pass inspection. As you can see below, Chris added extra "rack" to the rack-and-steering...


Some of Chris Campbell's custom detailing for the Huffmobile

...as well as additional junk in the trunk:



At Rocket To Venus we ordered more beers and talked about getting old. Scott and I mentioned that we hardly ever went out anymore and admitted changing into our pajamas the minute we got home from work.


PJs: Change we can believe in.

Louis said he could relate. When we asked him how old he was, he said "30." What a kid!

"You gotta remember, when I discovered you guys I was in high school," Louis said, "So it really blew my mind!" Wow, all those years ago. That would have been like 1997, so yeah, he must have been a teen.

As we looked at the people sitting around the bar and played a mental round of Hipster Bingo ("Hey look, there's a guy with a Fedora," "There's a chick with a bad tattoo," "Lookey, guy with Elvis Costello glasses and sideburns"), I bonded with Louis over my hatred of overly smug pop singer Jason Mraz.

"I hate all these good-looking guys who sing about their troubles getting laid," Louis said.

"I hate that stupid fucking hat he always wears," I added.


Wot a Mraz-hole!

We finished our beers and headed out the door, but not before I ran into my friend (and former co-worker and fellow soccer nut) Kevin Hall, freshly duded out in his Washington Capitals hockey jersey.


Kevin Hall returning from Caps game.

When we stepped outside, we introduced Louis to Rocket To Venus owner Jeff, who was skipping out for a smoke.


Louis, Jeff and Scott outside Rocket To Venus.


Louis with Jeff, Commander of Rocket To Venus.

Out on Chestnut Avenue, Scott ran into some friends and we stood around trying to explain the concepts of of Dundalk and Essex to Louis, including two infamous native sons from those working class Baltimore 'hoods, naughty teacher/sex offender John Merzbacher (an Essex homie whose house was nearby Scott's) and psycho crime-of-passion killer Joby Palcynski (Dundalk). We also tried to explain the Middle River's "Golden Eggs" and why Dundalk and Essex compete in the annual "Toilet Bowl" football game to see which community gets to lay claim to the Back River Waste Water Treatment Plant (aka "The Shit Plant").


The Golden Eggs

It's hard to explain in one night.

Alas, the old men had to get to bed to travel and go to work the next day...despite Louis once lauding us in an Atomic TV review with the bon mots "Tom and Scott do and see more in a collective eight hours than I have done in my 21 years of existence," we were sick deadbeats who had to get up early and work for the man and hit the road, jack. Lightweight swingers on the mend.


"Peace out!" Tom and Scott bid Lou adieu.

Louis needed a place to crash, so we drove back to La Casa Clutter in Towson where I apologized profusely as I showed Lou my "guest room," the house's official clutter dumping ground. Spying the big bed and multiple pillows, Louis replied, "Oh man, after riding a Greyhound bus for 12 hours, this is great. I feel like I'm laying down with the angels."

I must say Louis was the perfect house guest. You'd never know he was there. Didn't make a peep (though he claimed he snores!) and left the place immaculate. I just hope he wasn't weirded out by some of the odder artifacts in my far-from-spare spare room/dumping ground, like the kid's "Spinner Toy" promo display ("Stress Reliever!" "Can't Put It Down!") I salvaged when they were throwing it away at the library; I forgot that I replaced the spinner toy with a dildo so that when you activated it, the hands mechanically performed "Oklahoma Karate" (that great "stress reliever")!


A Favorite with Kids: No stress, some mess.


What must Louis have thought?

Next time, I hope he's in town for a weekend when we have more time to spend with him. And we could add to his Baltimore goodies bag with some more essentials, like (Atomic TV cameraman) Chris "The Plumber" Jensen's "Your Poop Is My Bread & Butter" and Scott's "Pirates of Essex" t-shirts.



Or maybe we can take an Atomic TV field trip to Ft. Collins, Colorado. Louis, if you're reading this, it was good meeting you finally in the flesh - and you're welcome back anytime!

(Oh, included below is my all-time fave Atomic TV review; naturally it's by Mr. Fowler.)

Damaged #6 Spring 2000
ATOMIC TV, Volumes 10-13

In the last issue of DAMAGED, I said that I have seen a revelation and that it was Atomic TV. I was wrong.

Atomic TV is probably the greatest TV show I have ever seen in my life. It has everything that a great TV show should: the crass humor of a good episode of Mama's Family, more guest stars than Love Boat and Fantasy Island combined and more T&A than five episodes of VIP. Add to the mix only the best videos that you will never find on MTV, interviews with people who will never be on Jay, and real-life adventures that even the Croc-Hunter couldn't even imagine.

In the last four episodes of Atomic TV, our hosts Tom and Scott do and see more in a collective eight hours than I have done in my 21 years of existence.

Are you a big fan of pornography? If you are the average DAMAGED reader, then that will be a big yes. Check out Volume 10, "The East Cost Video Show Porn Convention Episode." It is filled with wall-to-wall silicone enhancements and wall-to-wall Ron Jeremy. Porn starlet Rayveness show us how to work and clean her artificial vagina, ex-porn actor Jerry Butler shows us how he prepares his Thanksgiving meal in a disgusting scene that literally has to be seen to be believed. Hot as hell Rebecca Lord is interviewed and drooled over. To top it off, a long lost film with Jean Claude Van Damme as a ball-grabbing Tae Kwan Do testicle tickler.

Volume Eleven is a special episode designed to teach us backwards Oklahomans how they do arty stuff up north. In "Artscape," the boys go under the dress of a gigantic Mrs. Buttersworth, we meet the Thunderbirds Are Go! outcast Bud and see a nun do some crazy ass-kicking for the Lord. Also included are videos from the gorgeous Francoise Hardy, the incredible Air and the banned from MTV video "Smack My Bitch Up" from Prodigy. The second half is from the "Cones and Rods Art Show": people urinating, music by Garage Sale and the Put Outs and lazy hipper-than-thou twenty- somethings shun free prizes from the Atomic Bookstore!

What is this crazy J-Pop that I am always talking about? Well, use Volume Twelve as a textbook and learn for yourself. The extremely hot publisher of Cha Cha Charming, Sheila B., co-hosts with Tom as they give us a run through in the best of Japanese pop, which puts our American shit to shame. Judy and Mary, Puffy, My Little Lover, and best of all, Emmanuel "Webster" Lewis singing in Japanese! That alone is worth the price.

You want to know why I want to move to Baltimore? To be at the next Atomic TV Labor Day Cookout. In Volume Thirteen, we are invited to watch all the insanity and hilarity that ensues. So grab some big- ass hot dogs, put in the microwave and pop this episode in the VCR. Not only do we get to be part of the festivities, we also get to see videos from They Might Be Giants and The Ramones. To top that off, one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life, Chastity Darling, is in attendance. Jesus, is she hot. I think I am in love. Oh yeah, and Tom sucks on some feet. It's pretty nasty to watch. But, in the next hour, we are also invited to Atomic TV's 200th Episode Parry, where more "what the hell are we doing here" fun is had. The incredible short films Worst of Public Access and High Tech Noon are also here, as well as videos by J-Poppers Puffy.

Order episodes at Atomic Books' website at or see the ad in this issue. Do it now and tell `em that Louis sent you.

--Louis Fowler

Oh, and click here to read Louis' take on his visit to Baltimore.