Andy Roddick is a Dick

And other 2009 French Open observations...


Don't worry Andy: Lacoste still loves you

I just finished watching Frenchman Gael Monfils defeat the last "American in Paris," world no. 6 Andy Roddick in straight sets at Roland Garros 6-4, 6-2, 6-3. And I realized that not only is Roddick a loser, and a sore loser at that, but a major dick.

Shock to the System
But first, the shock of the century in terms of tennis: Rafael Nadal lost at the French Open - and not to Roger Federer! No, the King of Clay lost on his favorite surface to a relative unknown in World No. 25, Swede Robin Soderling (how fitting that a fellow Swede protected Bjorn Borg's record of four consecutive Roland Garros crowns from being surpassed by the young Spaniard!). How did he do it? Soderling had a game plan and he executed it perfectly. First, he served big (an essential against Nadal); second, he flattened his forehand and took the ball early so that his volleys and Nadal's serves came back at Nadal fast and harder than Chinese arithmetic - some of those Soderling forehands sounded like skull-crunching Mike Tyson punches to the head (and this was on clay, not hard courts!). This helped keep Rafa pinned behind the baseline and tactically kept him on the defensive. I mean, what's the last time you saw Nadal, who tracks down everything (with authority), flail helplessly at his opponent's shots? Add to that Soderling's natural physical gifts of being tall - which enables him, whenever he doesn't take Nadal's shots early, to adjust and handle Nadal's high-bouncing topspin shots on the baseline - and having a two-handed backhand, which is almost a requirement against Nadal's heavy groundstrokes. Much as I love the one-handed backhand (especially Federer's), it often lacks the ooomph needed to put Nadal on the defensive.

The loss really had to needle Nadal, because he really dislikes Soderling. The world may not know much about Soderling, but Nadal sure does. Remember the ill feelings between the two in the third round of the 2007 Wimbledon tournament? Nadal beat the Swede in five sets in a delayed match that took five days to complete - 6-4, 6-4, 6-7 (7), 4-6, 7-5 - by which time they had seen more than enough of each other to last a lifetime. According to San Francisco Chronicle reporter Bruce Jenkins, Nadal told the Spanish press afterwards: "He's very strange. I say hello to him seven times to his face, he never answers. He hits a lucky shot, he does not wave (the protocol gesture of apology). I thought it was me, but I asked around the locker room and almost nobody has anything nice to say about him. If I fall down, he says nothing. He touches his ass, grabs his pants, makes fun of me - very unprofessional." (To see what ticked off Rafa in that match, check out this video clip of Soderling imitating Nadal.) So, OK, Nadal is out; but so, apparently, is a little class at the French Open. But there's still a pretty classy guy hanging around there...


Federer: Class not yet dismissed

Attention Deficit? Beast of Burden?
With Rafa out of the way, Roger Federer has the most realistic chance of his career to win the French Open title that has eluded him ever since Nadal came to own la terre battue. But Federer isn't the same Jolly Roger of years past; he's mortal now, losing to or being tested by players other than those named Djokovic, Nadal, Murray or his old Argentine nemesis David Nalbandian - people like Radek Stepanek, Giles Simon and Guillermo Canas. It's almost a distraction and a burden for him now. How else to explain dropping two sets against a skillful, but erratic, 31-year-old Tommy Haas? Still, Federer being Federer, with a Will To Triumph and a mental toughness matched only by Rafa Nadal, Roger came back from a 30-40, 3-4 third set deficit to reel off nine straight games and a 5-set win over a mentally deflated Haas and advance to a quarter-final match against the player he beat in last year's semi-final, French favorite Gael Monfils...

...who defeated last American hopeful Andy Roddick in straight sets in the fading light of Suzanne Lenglen Court at Roland Garros.


Monfils: Long 'n' lean retrieving machine

Paris: City of Lights...and Lightweights
I watched this match, and while, yes, the light was fading and Andy complained about it, it's funny how his supposed inability to "see" the ball didn't affect his opponent's ability to see the ball. Apparently, it was only dark on Roddick's side of the court. Hmmmm, it didn't seem to alter the quality of play at last year's Wimbledon final - you know, the Federer-Nadal final that's been called the match of the century. What I'm leading up to, of course, is the point of view I've had for years about the brash Texan with the big serve: he's a dick. Fellow Texan George W. Bush was called a Cowboy Diplomat, and I see Roddick's game as nothing but Cowboy Tennis. Big rocket serve, big crushing forehand, nothing else. All shock and awe. He's never added to that arsenal. Though he's been through a slew of coaches who've worked on improving his backhand (the one-handed slice backhand just doesn't work for him) and on encouraging him to come to net (he only seems to do it when he's down and panicking - and he still looks pretty awkward there), it's never happened. Because he's a stubborn Texan, like George W. If he can't win with power and bullying his opponent around the court, he's just not interested. He gets flustered, hot, and bothered.

And that's what he came up against in French super-athlete Gael Monfils. World no. 10 Monfils isn't much of a tactician, and I think he lacks mental toughness outside of his comfort zone (which is Roland Garros), but the guy can outrun just about anyone on the tour not named Rafael Nadal. He gets to everything. In fact, he used to wear himself out by trying to retrieve EVERYTHING his opponents threw at him. But he's noticeably muscled up his stringbean physique of late and grown mentally tougher as well. He nullified Roddick's serve (Monfils actually out-aced Roddick, if you can believe that!), and basically forced Roddick to hit more than one or two shots on his service games. That means volleying, and Roddick doesn't like long volleys because they require him to think and not just wail away at the ball and try to blow his opponents off the court. Monfils being a grinder, that forced Roddick into a lot of unforced errors and lost service games. Plus, well, Monfils has a beautiful touch at the net; some of those angled drop shots recall McEnroe back in his heyday, artistic strokes worthy of a Left Bank painter.

Oh, almost forgot: Monfils also out-bullied the Mighty Mopin' Power Ranger, hitting 45 winners to Roddick’s 18 and 17 aces to the Rocket Man's 4.

But what really got to me watching this match was listening to how rude and nasty Roddick was. After losing the second set, he yelled at a ball boy, "Yellow drink. I want a yellow drink. GET ME A YELLOW DRINK, GOT THAT!!!" Nice sportsmanship there, superstar. Then he yelled at the French umpire, "Don't tell ME that it's light enough out. I'm the one OUT THERE PLAYING. So don't you TELL ME ANYTHING."

What a total dickhead. When Monfils grinned after watching Roddick once again berate the chair umpire, Roddick shouted at him "You're not that good to get that cocky!" (Ummm, yes he is, Andy - and you're sure not gonna wipe that smile off his face!) And I'm sure Mr. Bluster didn't like Monfils working the decidely biased home crowd. But doesn't Roddick do exactly the same thing back in his house, the U.S. Open. And Andy, as your fellow American redneck Kid Rock would say, "You think I'm cocky, and I say 'What?'/It ain't cocky motherfucker if you back it up." Unfortunately, Roddick's mouth is just like his on-court game: all bullying power with no subtlety. He's got one U.S. Open title and nothing else since to back it up. Besides, if he won this match, he'd have had to face Federer, who's 18-2 lifetime against the brash baseliner. So go gently into the night Andy - and shut up or back it up. If not with results, then with class, like Roger.

Thrill of Victory, Agony of Defeat

Here's to the Losers - And the "Class" System

"There's a right way of doing things and a wrong way. You win with class and you lose with class." - David Carroll (Denis of Cork trainer) on Big Brown's Belmont Stakes loss

What a sports shocker weekend and how fitting that ABC Wide World of Sports catchphrase is in light of the events of the past weekend.

Class Dismissed



First and foremost, broadcasting suffered the agony of defeat this weekend with the death of Jim McKay, who defined class and integrity in his long and distinguished sportscasting career - highlighted by his continuous live coverage of the 1972 Munich Olympics tragedy. McKay, who was 86 when he passed away at his Monkton farm, was a Maryland native who always championed local horse racing. I recall seeing the legendary Maryland native 6 years ago when, the night my mother passed away at GBMC hospital, McKay was in the adjoining room, where his wife was hospitalized. He was low-key and totally focused on his wife, slipping in and out of the room like a fleeting shadow, avoiding drawing attention to himself. A class act, in other words.

Brownout: Triple Frown at Belmont


New York sufferered a Brown-out at the Belmont Stakes

Saturday, of course, all the swagger and braggadocio from the camp of Triple Crown hopeful Big Brown came crashing down in the space of 2 minutes. In the weeks following Big Brown's wins at the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, outspoken trainer Rick Dutrow had bragged about his horse's potential stud fees and place in horse racing history, basically writing off a win in the Belmont Stakes as a foregone conclusion. He forgot the part about Put Up Or Shut Up, Get 'Er Done, Just Do It, etc. - and a spoiler by the name of trainer Nick Zito (Smarty Jones' connections sure remember him after Birdsong's 2004 upset of yet another Triple Crown hopeful). As a result, Big Brown will go down in the history books for the dubious achievement of being the first Triple Crown favorite to finish dead last in the Belmont Stakes. How's that for egg - er - Big Brown in your face?

As Baltimore Sun columnist Rick Maese put it, "Somehow - and this is amazing when you think about it - the staggering margin of defeat suffered in the race was in direct proportion to the insufferable levels of boasts and bluster that poured from Big Brown's camp these past few weeks. Yes, there are racing gods - and their sense of humor is apparently equaled by their sense of justice."

In other words, a horse's class doesn't necessarily extend to his or her connections. As David Carroll, trainer of 2nd place finisher Denis of Cork, put it: "I feel bad for the horse, but [Dutrow] basically called my horse a [expletive deleted] and I didn't like that." Very classy, Dutrow.

La Terre Battue Beatdown


Roger: Searching for Clues

Tennis also has its gods, but for Roger Federer on clay they are gods of tragedy and injustice. To borrow Maese's line about Big Brown, Big Roger likewise suffered a "staggering margin of defeat" in his latest final showdown at Roland Garros. I mean, like jaw-droppin!

We all know by now that Rafael Nadal owns Roger Federer on clay (9-1 lifetime, including four wins at the French Open - including consecutive wins in the last three finals) and overall (11-6), but even the closest observer of tennis in general and this rivalry in particular could not have expected the straight set beatdown Rafa handed Roger on Sunday in the 2008 French Open final: 6-1, 6-3, 6-0. Federer won just four of 22 games! Not only that, but the multi-lingual Federer (English, Swiss-German, German, French) no longer wows the French crowd with his trophy presentation perfect French, as now Nadal has learned to speak a few words in French and English, in addition to his native Catallan Spanish. He's catching up!

Once-jolly Roger is beyond bewitched, bothered and bewildered by Nadal after this humbling bow-down to the King of Clay. Though he never outwardly revealed his inner turmoil, I'd suspect these descriptions would describe how he's feeling right about now: beetle-browed, black-browed, black, blue, bowed-down, cast down, crestfallen, dark, dashed, depressed, despairing, despondent, desponding, disconsolate, discouraged, disheartened, dispirited, dour, down, downcast, downhearted, droopy, dumpish, feeling low, forlorn, frowning, gloomy, glowering, glum, grim, grum, heartbroken, in low spirits, in the depths, in the doldrums, in the dumps, languishing, low-spirited, low, lowering, melancholy, miserable, moodish, moody, mopey, morose, mumpish, pessimistic, pining, sad, sorrowful, spiritless, subdued, sulky, sullen, unhappy, woebegone, world-weary.

I know how frustrated he feels, for I too suffered a beatdown this weekend in my tennis league singles match (though against me every opponent plays like a soul-crushing Rafa Nadal!)

Sometimes in life you just hit a wall and have to admit that it's not meant to be. No matter how hard a spin the Administration puts on it, they can't justify the invasion of Iraq or hope for success there. It's a wall, whether it's Iraq for Bush or Nadal for Federer. People with class acknowledge their limitations and accept defeat with grace, not ill humor or stubbornness.

But even though he lost, Federer lost with class, a fact not lost on Nadal. Rafa, a class act himself, paid tribute to his opponent when he said, "I congratulate Roger. He has a great attitude in victory and in defeat."

World Class Pole Jumper


Pole Vaulter Podolski

In closing I'd be remiss in this discussion of class and losers not to mention Sunday's Euro 2008 clash between Germany and Poland. Though I'm sure they'd love some well-deserved payback for September 1, 1939, Poland is a perpetual loser against their border rivals in Deuschland and this day was no different as they went down 2-0 on a brace by Bayern Munich star striker Lukas Podolski. What makes Poland's pill that much harder to swallow is the fact that Podolski - like fellow Bayern Munich and German national striker Miroslav Klose - was born in Poland! To his credit, though, Podolski showed world class by not celebrating either of his goals, as he thought it would be disrespectful to the nation of his birth. He certainly showed a lot more class than the Polish media, who stoked tension during the build-up to the match by publishing a fake picture of national coach Leo Beenhakker holding the severed heads of Germany head coach Joachim Loew and captain Michael Ballack. Not to mention the 100 or so German hooligans that were detained for shouting Nazi slogans before the match.